My Ink {Yep, the Permanent Kind}

I'm a little skeptical about writing this post because, well, some things I just like to keep personal. 
Occasionally something very amazing will happen to me, but I just don't want to share it. I don't want to have to put words to it and explain it, for then it looses its sacredness.

For example, having to explain "what God has been doing in my life" in an on-the-spot question is not something I generally appreciate. Not because He hasn't been doing something, but because I just don't feel like sharing. It's too precious to me to be forced to put into words at a demanding moment. If you asked me to show you a picture of what He's been doing, well, I could surely do that. 

It's weird. I know. I have this blog so that I can write out my thoughts but often times I'd rather just keep them in. 

That said, I'm now going to share a specific thing God has been teaching me. 
Maybe someone somewhere will be encouraged. Or perhaps someone will be outraged (for what I did is not appreciated by all people).

I got a tattoo. 

On my hand. 

It's very obvious.

And I planned it that way. 

You see, what I now have in permanent ink on my hand is the most precious word ever uttered. The word that holds the most value to me. 
The only word that I know gives me true value. 

For it is my value that I struggle with the most.

In 2003 I worked at Arrowhead Bible Camp. It was an absolutely wonderful summer, but also an incredibly challenging summer. 

I have been known for being hard on myself. 
One week at camp was no exception. One of the directors was rather miffed with me (in the good, gentle spiritual leader sort of miffed). He grabbed my hand and wrote, "The LORD's" on my palm. He told me, "Stop. Stop being hard on yourself. You are the LORD's! You are not stupid. You are not dumb. You are His!" (I don't remember his exact words but it was something like that.) 

I got the point. 

Fast forward several years and I'd forgotten. 
2013-2014 were rather difficult years for me spiritually and mentally (and I'm still struggling). I don't wish to go into it right now (see beginning two paragraphs). During this time period I have been continually reminded of what Cody had said. 

Or rather, what God Himself has said. 

Isaiah 44:5 "This one will say, 'I am the LORD's'; and that one will call on the name of Jacob; and another will write on his hand, 'Belonging to the LORD,' and will name Israel's name with honor." In this passage, Isaiah talks of God's blessings on Israel. I did not exist during Isaiah's time and I am not Jewish but a Christian, a follow of the Triune God of the Bible, so I do belong to the LORD.

Some days this is all I have to stand on. 
And even some of those days I feel that is shaky. 
But, I have to stand with what is true in Scripture and not my circumstantial feelings.

So I wanted a permanent visible reminder for myself of Who's I am. 
Not because it will ever change, but because I'm a visual person and I want this staring me in the face. Everyday. 

I did this because I love the Lord and I enjoy art. This is between me and Him.

I am the LORD's. 

Instead of 'The LORD's' or 'LORD' in English, I opted for the Hebrew letters YHWH (Yahweh).

The New Name

Over the past few months I have had so many things go through my head that I would love to write about:

• My current struggles with sleeplessness
• Modesty
• Marriage
• The benefits of living on a ranch
• Some new recipes that I created that will rock your world
• My sort-of-new Ink

But instead of sitting in front of this computer I have chosen to spend that time with my family. I hope you don't mind.
We traveled and laughed and cuddled and played outside and ate tasty food and did the dishes together and cleaned up messes and hibernated from the bitter cold. 

In the process of living I decided upon a new name for this blog I call home-for-my-thoughts. 

Instead of Reflections of a Redeemed Sinner, I've become Reflections of a Life Set Free.

For my life has been set free indeed.

If you've read my previous post (found here) you can understand my desire of the name change.

So, one of these days I will spend some time here again and share some deep thoughts. 
Until then, it's almost 50 degrees out and we want to play outside.

A New Name

I recently read the following quote from Steve McVey's book, The Secret of Grace (formerly known as Grace Rules): 

"You may have already known that your sin debt was paid by Jesus Christ, but if you haven't known your identity in Christ, you probably haven't experienced much freedom. When a Christian mistakenly believes that he is nothing more than a sinner saved by grace, he will wrap his life up in rules. He thinks that rules will produce a greater quality of spiritual living but, in reality, as Romans 7:10 tells us, religious rules always prove "to result in death." "A sinner saved by grace"--what a pitiful description of a person who possesses the very life of Jesus Christ! God prefers to call you a saint. That's how He refers to you 63 times in the New Testament. Why would a Christian want to identify himself by the word sinner when Jesus came to save him from his sin? God sees saints who sin, but He doesn't identify you as a sinner who is saved."

I have been on a rather difficult internal journey the past few years. God has been purging me from many lies that I have believed, specifically those in relation to how the world sees me (or how I think the world views me) vs. how He sees me.

I have high expectations for myself. I expect myself to be able to do everything right. 

I can't. 

There is not one single thing that I can do right. Because you see, I have tried to do everything myself. I have tried to fix things, change things, understand things. I have tried so long and now finally understand that I have been trying all this time by myself when Jesus has been right next to me the entire time. He's the only one who can truly fix me. All my efforts have been in vain.

I have thought that since I'm still broken that I must still be a sinner, even though Jesus has redeemed me. I seem to think that I'm not fully redeemed because I'm not fixed, because I still fail. This thinking seems to be ingrained in me that unless everything is perfect and I do everything perfect then I will be perfect before Christ. 

This is not what the Bible teaches. Jesus did not say He came alongside the healthy to make them more well. He said He came to call the sick for they are the ones who need a physician. The sinners, not the righteous. (Mark 2:15-17)

I have come face to face with the fact that I am broken. My life is not perfect. And that is OK! 

In the spring of 2001 He called me and I answered. Yet I have been living as if I need to do so many things to gain His approval. That I need to be able to conquer so many of my sins before I'm "fixed." 

I now see that I am so very broken and I can't fix myself at all. God sees me as redeemed anyway, because I am covered with the shed blood of Jesus. He sees me a saint. 

I do not have to fix myself. I don't have to do anything.

Steve McVey continues with "God's plan is for the believer to trust the Holy Spirit to animate His behavior. He doesn't need rules, but enjoys freedom."

Set free. 
That is what I am. 
No rules, no trying. 
Just being ok with my brokenness and not rejecting myself as a failure. 

It isn't my strength that is getting me through this life but that of the grace of God, because I can't do this alone. The credit goes to what is in the vessel, not the vessel itself. 

__________________________________________

So, with all this being said, I need to change the title of my blog. My web address is redeemedbyjesus.blogspot but my title is "Reflections of a Redeemed Sinner." 

I'm not really sure what I want to change it to. That will take some more reflecting...

Family Photo Session

I have never hired someone to take our family photos. I always use my tripod and the timer. This year I wanted something different. I wanted pictures with our horses while our kids are still little and Twilight is still alive (the Appaloosa mare who is 20+). I can't do this very well running back and forth from the camera to reset the timer and angles, then jump back on my horse. 

So, we had Megan Bertsch from m.linn studios take them. She gladly drove the 60 miles out to our ranch and spent about an hour with us. She was great and I'm so pleased with how the pictures turned out! I just love the sweet faces of my children and can't wait to get some of these displayed in our home. 

Megan was so friendly and professional. She shoots with a full frame camera (which is a big deal to this photographer) and I was able to purchase some of my favorite images in high resolution on CD (which is also a big deal to a photographer who's used to having the images at her disposal ;)). 

Fall Family Adventure

Hiking is one of my most favorite activities. For our anniversary this year we went on a family vacation and took the kids on their first hiking trip. The hike around Sylvan Lake is only a mile and we enjoyed stopping at many places to explore. It was one of the most enjoyable hikes I've ever been on! Here are a few of my favorite shots from the day.

A young man must always have a stick while hiking. You never know what you might need it for.

We happened upon a family taking their pictures at this spot and asked us to take one for them. In exchange they took this for us.

I can't get over the concentration in the form of his tongue sticking out as he jumped from each rock.

The stick became a fishing pole. Watching all the minnows along the shore was great fun.

We also drove through Spearfish Canyon and stopped for the short hike down to Spearfish Falls.

This is the best way to enjoy Spearfish Falls.

Summer Days

Our summer has zipped by and I have spent hardly any time writing on this blog. I have several things I've been wanting to write about but just have not had the time to sit down and type out my thoughts. This past year has been very challenging for me - hormonal changes from weaning a baby, some friendships fizzing out, my home being invaded by my youngest brother as he starts his new job with John Deere, trouble sleeping, counselor seeking. 
You know, all the normal things we're challenged with that just seem particularly difficult for me this year.

Sometime I'd like to write about this journey but right now I'm still buried in the trenches and I don't have the words to say.

So, for right now I'll just share with you some photos I've taken over the past few months as we've enjoyed the beauty of the season.

 Helping Dad fix things.

 First year of T-ball.

 Hours upon hours of creative play outside.

 The fun of our own pool.

 Auntie getting to visit (other Uncle's and Auntie's came too!).

 Watching Daddy in the annual Ranch Rodeo.

Many hours playing together. 

Taking Stock

Happy Friday! 
I found this list on one of my favorite blogs. For some reason I just love filling out a list. I thought I would complete it and pass it on for you to do the same if you wished. :)

Making : Granola
Cooking : Grilled Pork Chops for supper tonight
Drinking : water - my ultimate go-to beverage, especially in the summer
Reading: Grace Rules by Steve McVey, very challenging
Wanting: a quality bread knife
Looking: at the beautiful fluffy clouds lazily passing by
Playing: Words with Friends with my husband and sister
Wasting: time weeding my garden so I sprayed Roundup
Sewing: nothing at the moment, one of these days I will start a quilt. I said that last summer though...
Wishing: for zero bugs in the evenings
Enjoying: the cooler temperatures this early summer
Waiting: for haying to start
Liking: how my husband looks today
Wondering: what I will find when I help my husband go through a pile of old machinery this afternoon
Loving: my precious children's laughter
Hoping: for a good harvest from my garden
Marvelling: at God's grace
Needing: God's grace
Smelling: the aftereffects of last night's storm
Wearing: comfortable clothes
Following: Jesus
Noticing: the dirt on my floor
Knowing: I will clean it...sometime
Thinking: I will ignore it for now
Feeling: tired
Bookmarking: worthwhile Bible-based parenting articles
Opening: the container to store the granola
Giggling: I spilled several pieces on the floor and I ate them
Feeling: free