I've often found it difficult being content where I have lived. Especially in the moment I'm going through a difficult time; I have longed for the previous place I lived, completely forgetting the difficult times there, too.
When I moved back to South Dakota, a few months before getting married, I envisioned that life would be complete. That I would be content here.
I was wrong.
Discontentment in every other place followed me here as well. The issue wasn't with the location I was at, the issue was with me. I was the common denominator of discontent, not the place I was currently residing.
I have had my bouts of struggling with my husband's job and the whole idea of ranching. I have hated it. I have loathed it. I have wanted to be anywhere but here. A few times I almost left. Once he started to give it up.
Just for me.
I realized how selfish I was, am.
Somewhere along the way between now and February 2011 God changed my focus of contentment. I remember one night of falling on my knees in front of my living room window, a blanket of snow spread before me, the moon light illuminating the millions of diamonds embedded in it.
I cried out to Jehovah God-the Creator, the Giver of Life.
I wish I could say things miraculously changed, but they didn't. I wish I could tell you a secret formula, but I can't.
All I can tell you is that little by little, Jehovah has reached deep into my soul and pulled out weeds of discontent.
Pain has followed.
Anguish has ensued.
I have fallen, but He has been there to pull me up.
I don't leave my house/property all that much. Not because I'm hiding from the world, but because I have become more and more content being here. I love this home that God has provided. Though it needs work in some areas and others areas embarrass me when guests come, it is what He's given me and I have become thankful.
I deeply love the people who live in this house.
I want them to feel the contentment and joy of being home, so therefore I must be so.
I have spent much time just being with the Lord.
Yes, I love to know and study and understand theology, but that has taught me nothing compared to just spending time with my Savior.
Some days are still hard, but His end is the process.
"If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working toward a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.......God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, than each moment as it comes is precious."
~Oswald Chambers
