Wonder and Joy

Last night we had our Christmas. We always have it early since we spend it with my family who live far away. 

Last year, J was too little to really understand. 

This year, we read the Christmas story with him from his children's Bible and then opened presents. We only give him few as he has more than he needs. We've continued the tradition my parents started years ago:  book and a toy/clothes, etc. They used this to symbolize God giving us His Son, and the Bible.

J was so excited when he figured out that inside the beautifully wrapped package was something fun. The little sounds of excitement coming from his mouth were so adorable! We had so much fun watching him! 

He received a book filled with tractors and he has spent more time "reading" that book than I have ever seen him read a book on his own. He likes to sit in the rocking chair in his room looking at books, but this was a whole new level of intense reading. I only hope that someday he will pour over the pages of Scripture with the same passion.

It has been such a joy watching him discover the world as he is becoming older and more aware. 

Every time he hears Daddy start the tractor outside he runs to the window to watch. When the weather isn't too bad, he even gets to ride with Daddy. Tell me about a happy little boy!

Sting

Every once in a while I reach out, trying to mend and touch and return chaos back to order. Chaos I have either created, been caught in the middle of or been at the butt end . 

Occasionally it slaps me in the face. 

The sting is bitter. 

Do I press on? Do I try to mend it? Do I even bother trying again with the great possibility of being given a repeat mark across my face?

And then there are the scarce times when, undetected to others who have been involved in the chaos somehow, my reaching out brings things back to order, for a time...

Do I put myself out there when the possibility of being slapped is greater than that of the chaos returning to normal life? 

I think the occasional good can, for a short time, give relief from the constant sting of the blow.

Sugar Cookies

J has been helping me a lot in the kitchen. He loves to stir things, add ingredients, and control the speed on the mixer. 

Yesterday we made sugar cookies! I don't usually make a lot of sweets to keep around the house as I would be too tempted to eat them. I have two events coming up that I needed something for, so sugar cookies it was! It works out perfect as I can have a little Christmas cookie, but there won't be too many in my kitchen as most will be given away. :)

J loved helping cut out the cookies.

We made them yesterday, and this morning finished them off with homemade frosting. 

J put the sprinkles on them. I showed him how.

Then he seems quite capable of doing it himself.

 After all that hard work, he decided it was time for a cookie. 

Our finished product, thanks to my little helper!

The past few years the winter months have been extremely hard for me. As much as I have to be thankful for, the sun coming up so late makes it so hard to get up early. The sun going down so early makes the days seem so dark. Being in the house with a toddler, day in and day out makes it easy to feel depressed and irritated. Especially when I have to deal with the constant discipline, whining and mess. 

I recently was looking on Medeba's website (www.medeba.com), a camp where I spent 10 months participating in the Leadership Development Program, now renamed Prosago. I was looking through the photo gallery and homesickness kicked in. Homesickness for my former life of excitement and adventure. Being able to leave when I chose, to pack up and go hiking. Being able to only have to think about myself. 

Marty watched Jacob for a morning the end of October and I was able to spend it hiking at one of my favorite places in South Dakota. This was the first time I'd been hiking in two years! It was a glorious morning of crisp air on my lungs, the rush of the wind through the Black Hills spruce. 

Quiet. 

Absolute quiet. 

The only sound was my breathing as I climbed the mountains. I am so grateful to my husband for allowing me the chance to participate in one of my deep passions, however, it makes me want more...

Whoever thinks that being a stay at-home-mom is easy I must tell you, you are highly misinformed. With this tremendous privilege comes great sacrifice. Sacrifice of thinking only of myself. Sacrifice of spending my money on whatever I wanted. Sacrifice of sleep. Sacrifice of alone time (I cherish nap time now!). 

I am so grateful that I've had the experiences that I have. Some days it's so easy to want them back instead of being thankful for where God has placed me now. "Wherever you are, be there."

I am taking steps to insure that the winter isn't a big depression: meeting with friends once a week to workout in our living rooms while our kids play; baking food and giving it away to mom's who have their hands more full than I do; writing a blog. I want to be proactive, not becoming lazy and whiny. Especially to my husband as soon as he comes in the door after a hard day's work out in the cold. 

There are benefits to the cold winter months. It's a great time to relax inside with a hot cup of tea without the pressure of tending to my garden, lawn or helping my husband hay. Being close to home is a blessing. However, it can be difficult for these itching feet to stay put.

So, if you would like to come on an adventure that may be beyond what you're used to, how about a trip to a cattle ranch in South Dakota this winter? I will not only feed you gourmet cuisine, but you can also learn about beef production, the simplicity of living away from an urbanized local, the bright crisp sky at night, the warmth of the fire within. And in the meantime, you'll be doing me a favor. You'll be helping me to pass the winter months with something new to look forward to. :)

The tea pot is always on the stove, the freezer is full of quality home raised beef, a comfortable bed is waiting. 

So, when does your flight come in? I'll be there to pick you up!

Thankfulness beyond Thanksgiving

It is December 7th and here I am still talking about Thanksgiving. I have my Christmas tree up and the outside decorated with lights and I just realized that I still have pumpkins gracing the front door. Who said pumpkins couldn't be part of Christmas decorations? :) It is still technically fall anyway! 

The Lord has been teaching me so much lately. It's so easy to get caught up in the bitterness and pessimism of life. My husband has continually been teaching me the art of thankfulness. He always thanks me for the dinner I make, cleaning the house, washing his clothes and other things I won't mention... :) Hehe. (Don't shoot me, I'm married after all!)

I have been practicing a little morning tradition that has transformed my attitude immensely! When I wake up, I begin my day with Thanksgiving to God for it. No matter the weather, He's created it. No matter how horrible my back feels, I can still move. No matter how tired I am, I was just able to sleep in a bed and not the floor. 

I have in my mind an idea of what I want my house to look like and how I can't wait to get rid of all the lovely wood paneling we have, but lately I have been so grateful for my house, wood paneling and all! God has so richly blessed me. He has given me more abundance than I ever even asked for! Soap to wash my dishes, hot running water to take a shower, a closet of clothes, a car to drive that is fully paid for, a computer that only has 37 GB but only cost me $150 two years ago. 

And then I think of the people in my life. (Please do not think I place materialism before people, it was just what I thought of first in the area of God's provision. :)) I can't tell you enough about the incredible man that God has blessed me with as a husband. How we even came to become friends and then a courting couple and then married sometimes seems like such a blur. I knew from the very beginning it was orchestrated by the Lord. I don't want to get too long winded about this wonderful man, but I will just say that I am constantly blown away by God's goodness in who He's blessed me to be married to. 

Each of those that I am close to, the Lord has brought at such a perfect time in my life to sharpen me, love me and chastise me. Not all am I able to see, speak or spend time with as often as I would like. But even if it's been years since we've seen each other or spoken the time is never awkward as we have the commonality of Jesus Christ. I can't always express my thankfulness for you, so view this as such. Since this is a public blog, I don't really want to name names but I'm quite certain you know who you are. Even those whom I haven't kept in close contact with other than occasional views of Facebook posts. If you've ever been involved in my life in more than just a casual acquaintance, you've touched me deeply. Thank you for your investment in me. 

Oh, how He has richly blessed us. Especially as we remember this time of year how He "emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Phil 2:7-11)

Happy Thanksgiving!

To Whomever It Is Praying for me,

I know that there is someone doing so. I don't know who, but I wanted to tell you that your prayers are being answered. :) 

My time with the Lord has indeed been sweet. My heart is indeed softening towards things that I have been angry and bitter about. My attitude is weakening. :) I am more content than I have been in a long time. Please continue to pray that I do not be overcome with pride but practice humility.

Thank you for your intercession. Thank you for being faithful. Thank you for caring for me so.

With joy,

Cristen

The Mundane Things

My husband has a rather profound, but not new, philosophy that most people, even Christians, have yet to grasp and emulate. His philosophy is this: working as unto Christ, for the sole purpose of glorifying and honoring Him. Doing this with the end goal being Christ's glory and not the pay check or the thrill of accomplishment or success. (I am not advocating not working for a pay check, Proverbs speaks highly of earning one's wage.)

Throughout our married life, I have sought this as my goal, too. Until a few days ago, I didn't realize how I've been limiting this biblical principle to a paying job only. In my work around the house, such as normal house cleaning, laundry, cooking and the yard, I have thought in this light, most of the time. 

I hadn't categorized changing diapers, cleaning up spilled food off my newly cleaned floor, dealing with whining, tempers, tripping over toys, nightly routine of cleaning up a little body and brushing teeth, the constant teaching of right and wrong, to be more than just mundane motherhood. My attitude in this work lately has been everything but glorifying and honoring to the Lord. 

Doesn't this work have more lasting rewards that far out weigh any paid job that I could have? Why should my attitude while working in this job not be to glorify and honor Him who has blessed me with it?

My son will grow up with and see how I react to all these things and he will either see how one can honor the Lord in what appears to be mundane, or how one complains about the work God has given. Both will train him up. Which attitude would I like to see him having as a young man? 

So, doesn't my job have lasting rewards? Good or bad. It is mine to choose how I will go about in my attitude while doing it. And in the process, I have a learning mind who will see and imitate how I go about it.

A Day on the Family Ranch

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, J loves to play with his tractors. 

The kitchen table is his new favorite place to drive them and make 

the ever popular tractor noises. 

  

While J took his afternoon nap, I went exploring with my camera.

I found Twilight, my mare.

Sugar also insisted on her photo taken. She's pretty photogenic, don't you think?

I wandered near the chicken coop and found this long past work horse.

Then I visited the chickens, wanting to see how my flash would do in the dimly lit coop.

And wouldn't you know, I found some eggs! 

Bo was relaxing near the garage door. He's such a good, faithful dog. 

Samples of my playing

She came on Tuesday and we are slowly becoming good friends. She needs a name. What do you name a Nikon D700? Any suggestions? 

Going from 35mm to this fabulous DSLR is quite a change. I knew it would be and I was prepared but boy, there's a lot to know! The manual is 443 pages long! Phew... But like I said, we're slowly becoming acquainted with each other. I keep learning new things and they excite me! I had no idea a camera could do half of the things this can. 

Here's just a few sample of J that I shot this morning.

One of the things I've been super excited about getting a DSLR for is to see exactly what my flash is doing and using my light reflector.
In this shot, I used a silver reflector that I bounced the flash from. See how it makes the Cosmos flowers look almost cold?

This series I used gold. I like how warm it looks. What do you think?

How God didn't answer my prayer

At the beginning of the summer I entered a photography contest in hopes of winning the grand prize of cash in order to upgrade to a DSLR (digital single lens reflex, a camera with the ability to interchange lenses). A friend of mine was telling me about a sermon her pastor had preached on prayer and he'd said to ask God for specific things. So, I decided that I would pray that God would provide me with a specific DSLR.

I love photography and I want to use it to bring the Lord honor. So, why would it be out of His ability or desire to provide the specific camera I was asking Him for?

Well, the contest came and went. I didn't win the grand prize, however I was a finalist of about 14,000 entries! My photo will be published in the Best of Photography 2011! That is pretty exciting and I'm very grateful for it, however, the Lord didn't answer my prayer for the specified DSLR. 

The beginning of September I was quite discouraged. I have a little point and shoot Nikon that I really like, but it doesn't shoot like my beloved Nikon N80 (35mm). As much as I do love film, I've really been enjoying stepping into the digital world. It's also more practical because of where I live. My favorite photo lab back in Illinois closed down and I haven't found one in South Dakota that I really like. So, I've had to mail my film into an online lab. I do like this lab, but I still end up paying more because of the shipping.

I opened an online store at etsy.com selling handcrafted jewelry and some of my photos, in hopes that I could make money to purchase the camera I'd been praying for. I haven't made a single sale to anyone outside of my family. The Lord must not want me to have the Nikon D7000. Sigh...

Before going on my resent vacation, I received an email from someone asking me to take some family pictures. Oh how nice it would be to be digital! I told her that I would love to and would she mind that I was still shooting 35mm. My husband then informed me while on vacation, that since our ag business has done very well this year he wanted me to have that specified camera. I was quite shocked! I'd never expected him to purchase such an item for me and it wasn't even my birthday! I found a photography store near where we were staying and inquired about some information that I didn't completely understand about the Nikon D7000. I'm still a little new to the digital end of photography and knew that there are some differences in the 35mm vs. a certain line of Nikon DSLRs. I learned that the D7000 has a smaller image sensor compared to a 35mm camera. Specific lenses have to be purchased for the D7000 and those cameras that are similar, unless I was willing to lose some focal range with my current lenses. I didn't want to have to purchase a whole new camera and new lenses. I love the ones that I have and they work incredibly! 

I realize this is a lot of information you might not care about, but I promise that it will come to an end and it does have a point. :) 

So, my options were to purchase the D7000 and new lenses. Purchase the D7000 and use the ones I have and lose some focal range (which is a BIG deal in landscape photography). Or, purchase Nikon's DSLR version that has a full frame sensor (equal to that of a 35mm). This makes perfect sense! I won't have to purchase new lenses, the image quality will actually be much better than the D7000 even though it's a few mega pixels less. However, the downside to all of this is that the camera I was now looking at was twice the price of the D7000.  

I went back to my sister's house where my husband awaited me, empty handed. I couldn't ask him to let me purchase this camera. I'd been praying that God would provide me with a camera. I couldn't expect my husband to hand over his hard earned money for my hobby that I'm trying to turn into a part-time job. I told him what I found out and just left it at that. God will provide for this camera if He wants me to have it, right?

Well, apparently He does want me to have it. It should be arriving tomorrow. No, I didn't win a cash prize in a photo contest to pay for it. I was so sure that was how God was going to provide a camera, but instead, He chose to use my husband to bless me. It's funny, really. I'd been praying for the Nikon D7000 all summer. God didn't provide it for me. He provided something better, because the Nikon D7000 would have ultimately been useless to me. 

Isn't He amazing? He does care about things we would normally think were "too small" to pray about. I sometimes catch myself only praying for those dying of cancer, or those living in darkness, or that my son would learn who Jesus is. Never for cameras. Isn't that silly? No, it isn't silly. Especially when the very reason I wanted this camera was to bring Him honor. I do want to get my little business rolling, but not with the sole purpose of making money. I want to use this camera to take photos of God's incredible creation. Whether it be the mist on an fall morning or the faces of a family laughing together. To show that world glimpses of Who God is, that maybe they will see and bend the knee before Him.

"These Inward Trials"

My family and I just returned from a wonderful fall vacation to a fabulous state where the colors are spectacular-Wisconsin! I love fall, I love the changing of seasons. I love the colors of the trees as they change from green to yellows, orange, reds and even deep purples. The sad thing about fall is that this beautiful season is so short and after it comes the bitter cold of winter. The driving, bone chilling winds. The ice. The snow. And yet, within most homes the fire roars and there is warmth within despite the bitterness outside. 

I was thinking the other day how much the changing seasons cause the trees in my region to grow. If it was always spring/summer when they are at their fullest in green lushness and they never went through fall and winter, they wouldn't grow. If they didn't face the trials of loosing their beauty in the fall and enduring the pain of winter, they wouldn't shoot forth buds in the spring and be so green and beautiful in the summer. 

Isn't that similar to the Christian's life? When we go through trials we think that God isn't loving or that He's forgotten us or that He's punishing us. Jesus never said that following Him was always going to be grand like spring and summer. He said that a disciple is not above his teacher. His followers shouldn't think that they will have an easy life without trials. Jesus Himself suffered greatly, more than any man ever will. 

"How does God in grace prosecute this purpose? Not by shielding us from assault by the world, the flesh and the devil, not by protecting us from burdensome and frustrating circumstances, nor yet by shielding us from troubles created by our own temperament and psychology; but rather by exposing us to all these things, so as to overwhelm us with a sense of our own inadequacy, and to drive us to cling to Him more closely. This is the ultimate reason, from our standpoint, why God fills our lives with troubles and perplexities of one sort and another: it is to ensure that we shall learn to hold Him fast." -J.I. Packer

So I should take great joy in the fall and winter seasons of my life. Jesus never promised a carefree, burdensome, "happy" life and anyone who says differently is a liar. A life of following Jesus Christ will be full of trials, but He uses them to "ensure that we shall learn to hold Him fast." And in learning to hold Him fast, there is great joy. Joy with eternal significance. 

Aren't the things worth living for more challenging to achieve? Would they be as sweet if they were easy to attain?

Humility at its best

I know I already posted something today, however, in light of being an honest Christian as I promise to do, I must post again.

I failed. 

This morning started out great! I spent time with the Lord, was able to get a fair amount of my work for the day done and then the afternoon happened...

We are preparing to go on a short trip this weekend and so I have been busy gathering the needed essentials and a few extras. Jacob didn't sleep during his nap this morning but took the time to play and rest in his crib. I have discovered that even if he doesn't sleep during his nap, the resting time is still beneficial.

We ate our lunch with Daddy and then continued on our packing routine. All the while Jacob being naughty due to not taking his nap. Each time something needed to be dealt with, I did so in a kind and loving way (while stress and frustration starting smoldering within). Jacob went down for his afternoon nap a little earlier due to extra crabbiness. :) 

Then disaster hit. 
I was making a pumpkin rice pudding for our Bible study tonight. As I was placing it into the oven it slipped out of my hands all over the floor and the oven door. By this time Jacob was fussing and crying in bed, I had pumpkin rice pudding all over my feet, kitchen rug, floor and oven. Jacob's crying was increasing in obnoxiousness as I stood there sobbing against the sink. It was everything I could do to hold it in. 

And then I just couldn't. It all came out. It was horrible. I don't think I've ever yelled at Jacob so loud and with such force. 
I failed.

I failed to allow circumstances to be what they are, just circumstances that will pass by. I failed to love my child no matter what. I failed to control my emotions. I failed to control my tongue. I failed to glorify God in all circumstances, because let me tell you, that anger was anything but glorying to God.

I failed, but do you know what? Jesus didn't. He doesn't yell at me every time I mess up. His anger doesn't boil and burst because He's heard me whine about the same thing over and over again. He never once doesn't welcome me back into His arms. He is ever patient, ever compassionate. 

I picked myself up, cleaned the mess through tears and went to pick up Jacob and tell him how sorry I was and asked him to forgive me. He just smiled. I'm so glad that he most likely won't remember this. 

I had more leftover rice and pumpkin to make another pumpkin rice pudding, which is currently in the oven and smelling wonderful. 

Marty just pulled on the yard. Now, deep breath. I will not allow my frustrating afternoon rub off onto my attitude towards my husband when he walks in the door. 

Jesus, You are my strength and deliverer.

Litany of Humility

Oh, for this to be true of me...


Litany of Humility
Oh Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me today.  
 
Deliver me Jesus from the desire of being esteemed, from the desire of being loved, of being extolled, and honored and praised.  
 
Deliver me from the desire of being preferred to others, or the desire of being consulted, of being approved.  
 
And deliver me Father from the fear of being humiliated, the fear of being despised, of suffering rebukes, of being falsely accused.
 
Deliver me from the fear of being forgotten, being ridiculed, being wronged, and the fear of being suspected.  Deliver me Lord from all those things.
 
And grant me the grace to desire that others may be loved more than I, that others may be esteemed more than I, that others may increase and I may decrease, that others may be chosen and I set aside, that others may be praised and I unnoticed.  
 
Grant me the grace to desire that others be preferred before me in everything, that others become truly holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should.
 
Lord Jesus, grant me the grace to desire these things and the deliverance from the other things.  
 
Thank you today for your faithfulness, Father.  Morning by morning new mercies we see.  All that we have needed your hand has provided, great, great is your faithfulness to me.
 
 We worship you our delivering and faithful Father, and now we give to you in Jesus name.  Amen.

~Author Unknown

Roasted Tomatoes

Have extra tomatoes from your garden or have been given some from someone else? I have a fabulous recipe passed on from my sister last year that will use those up!
I have just been making this and thought there might be others who would enjoy it as well. :)

Roasted Tomatoes
8 c. chopped tomatoes (Roma are great but any will do)
1 c. chopped onion
4 whole cloves garlic
2 t. salt
1 t. red pepper flakes
1 t. sugar


Toss all in a baking dish, add 1/2 c. EVOO. Roast 35-40 minutes at 450F. Mash. Stir in 1/2 c. chopped fresh basil (if you don't have fresh, use 1-2 t. dried depending on your preference).


To store, I cool the tomatoes, place 1 c. into a ziploc sandwich bag and fill a freezer bag full of the sandwich bags. Freeze.


To use, thaw, heat in saucepan until starting to bubble. Cook your preference of pasta, drain, return to pot and toss with roasted tomatoes. Serve with freshly grated Parmesan! 
Or, use on grilled pizza. (I have yet to try that one, I'm always too enticed by the former way of indulging in the tomatoes.) :)




Enjoy!

Negativity

It amazes me how negative words greatly effect how people act, think and speak.

I have been greatly convicted lately of being a negative person. So often when I open my mouth, I find that what I have to say is negative. All of this is of course done with the thought that if I share my frustrations about said circumstance, person, organization, weather, etc., that that is my attempt at trying to better the situation. But is it? 

As a verbal processor is it really better for my own state of mind to criticize and condemn? Is it really beneficial for those who hear?

I was recently re-reading parts of a book that I have been going through with Women's Challenge, a Bible study a good friend leads. I came across the following, which I'd underlined:       

"Whatever possesses virtue and praise. If it has virtue, it will motivate us to do better; and if it has praise, it is worth commending to others. No Christian can afford to waste “mind power” on thoughts that tear him down or that would tear others down if these thoughts were shared."

                                    ~Warren Wiersbe

When I focus on negativity, my attitude becomes that and it is then transferred towards my husband and son. This was not my intent while I was trying to make the situation better by sharing my disappointment, frustration, anger, irritation, etc. 

So, is it really beneficial to share negative thoughts at all?

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." ~Psalm 19:14