It has been a long time coming. Contentment.
I have spent a good part of my life struggling with this issue.
With each move my family made while I was a child, I would be desperate for the previous location.
When struggles arose, it was always easier to be bitter and lament that life was better where I used to live.
After high school I couldn't wait to leave South Dakota and go back to the Chicago area. There were people there, shopping, good restaurants. Entertainment that didn't exist in my small rural town.
I spent four and a half years in the northern suburbs of Chicago. At my job I would often tell people of the beautiful land and sky of South Dakota. I would miss it so much. I had thought I'd be more content leaving my small town but when I got to the big town, I wasn't.
Marty and I were married 6.5 years ago and I've been living in rural South Dakota ever since. I've often been very home sick for the things I love back in the Chicago area: my siblings, parents, my wonderful Grandmother, the Journey (a Bible study I used to attend lead by the infamous Ulrich's), the Ulrich's, my Journey friends, Hawthorn Center, Lake Michigan, the Des Plains River Trail, green grass in October, Slide Effects, beautiful landscaping.
Each time we would go and visit my extended family, I would be crabby the first few weeks back at our house. I often would refer to Illinois as "home" and be angry with Marty for taking me from there. Life was remembered as better in Illinois when things were a struggle in South Dakota.
Last winter was especially hard for me. We had a lot more snow than this winter. I was house bound a lot. Caring for a small child who couldn't walk, like he can now, and go places by himself outside, like he can now.
I became very bitter.
I blamed Marty's job for taking me from "my family." I used that phrase a lot as a weapon, when in fact MY family is right here in my little cream colored house on the top of Sunset Ridge.
During this time of deep inner conflict, my relationship with Jesus was suffering.
I was very consumed with myself.
I took care of my family, but inside, I cared more about me.
Marty, on the other hand, has always been the complete opposite. He cared for me like I never deserved. He loved me beyond my criticism. He was about to give up the job that he so deeply loves, in order to move us closer to my extended family.
Finally, in those few days of possible change in locale, I realized how selfish I was being. How distant I was from the Lord and from being a respectful and godly wife.
Wherever you are, be there.
I had heard this phrase while attending the Journey. I know for a fact that if I'm not content where God has placed me at the current moment, I won't be content anywhere.
This last year has been proof of this.
My relationship with Jesus Christ has deepened to a level I never knew before. I rest in Him, knowing without a doubt that He IS Sovereign.
My relationship with Marty has deepened. He has been my best friend for almost 10 years and these last few months it has become even more firmly rooted.
I have peace.
So much of my life has been a struggle of inner conflict, anger, bitterness.
I am free.
We have made some changes in the past few weeks that I believe has made some vast differences in our marriage. The Lord has changed my heart in many areas.
I would love to welcome you to my home, if you have never been here before. I would love to introduce you to my family: my husband, Marty, and my son, Jacob.
I would love for you to see where I dwell. Where I call home, for this short time I inhabit this earth.
I would love for you to feel this same contentment and peace that I do.
Jesus Christ, the Righteous.
