Snowy Morning, Reading

I sat on the couch mid-morning and propped my feet on my homemade coffee table, crafted with wood from an old grainary I'd torn down. I gazed out the window at the wind sculpted snow drifts and the wisps caught in the screen of my front window. The inside of my house is cozy and comfy. 

J climbs up on the couch and snuggles next to me. I pick up a new book I've wanted to start reading and open it. J seems to think that I shouldn't read it. But being the kind mother that I strive to be, I don't let him get his way. He is the child, I am the mother. We are going to read a book. 

He decides it must be a good idea and leaves the couch in search of one of his own. I soon find him laying next to me with his little head in my lap and his feet propped up on a pillow. That must have been equivalent to me with mine on the coffee table.

We sit for at least 20 minutes each lost in our book, cuddling together and enjoying each others company as we fill our minds with words and pictures.

Such sweet bliss to add to this cozy feeling in my house. My favorite times spent with my son are those where we snuggle together. He's not always a very cuddly guy as he loves exploring and moving. I deeply savor these precious moments.

The Day My Dryer Stopped Working

I love schedule and routine. I feel comforted with the knowledge of what I have accomplished during my morning work. I like structure. I think children do well on structure. J seems to function better when our days are the norm instead of mass chaos.

I am not opposed to change in my schedule. I just general prefer to know about it before it happens. When an event or thing changes the course of my schedule, I don't always respond to it with grace and a pleasant attitude. Give me a few minutes and I will most likely bounce back. I would like to come to a point where I can take things as they come and just not worry about it. 

That being said, Mondays are my day to clean the house and do laundry. I like this schedule. I like coming out of the weekend with having a house sparkling the next day and all the clothes washed and put away...on the same day. 

Most Mondays I'm able to do this. There has been the exception where I've had to switch it to Tuesday or Wednesday and it's usually not a problem. However, when I'm well into the Monday routine and the dryer stops working, my first reaction isn't one of pleasant joy. 

Grrrrr......

I'm not a pioneer woman, even though I live on the prairie. I like my modern conveniences like a dryer, indoor plumbing, hot showers and a food processor. During the summer I hang most of our clothes and sheets outside. The smell of sun-dried sheets is wonderful! Normally I would just toss up my shoulders and think, "Ah, well." 

However, it's February. The current temp is 23. My towels were in the dryer when it quit and they'd hardly had any time to dry. 

I hate crusty, stiff towels. I like coming out of the shower to the touch of soft fluffiness. 

I do have a drying rack, but it won't fit all of our towels. Marty and I like using the bath sheets and those are pretty big. I will save the drying rack for the unmentionables which are currently in the washing machine.
 
So, I'm going to hang out the towels on the line and suffer with a scratchy towel next time I shower. I will venture out into the world of pioneerism with grace and excitement and hope that by next Monday, my dryer will be fixed.  

Hanging up wet laundry in 23 degree temps comes with a price....freezing fingers (even with gloves on).

Lent-My Reformed Version

I did not grow up observing Lent. Nor have I ever attended a church where the practice was required/suggested, etc. Scripture does not teach that Lent is required for one's salvation or the "be right with God." I do think, however, that it can be a good spiritual discipline. 

Over the past several years I have observed Lent on my own, in somewhat of a "reformed" (not to be confused with the Reformed church) version. I do not practice Lent as penitence for my sins, as Christ has already fully fulfilled that dept on the cross. Part of the traditional form of Lent is self-denial, or fasting. This is what I desire to practice.

When I observe Lent, or my six and a half week fast, I look at it as more of a spiritual discipline. Something to draw me closer and rely more fully on God. Using something that I know has become a hindrance between me and my relationship with Jesus to abstain from and grow in my dependance upon my Savior, who has redeemed my wretched soul from the pit of hell.

In years past I had an "ugly book" that I carried with me during Lent. I would write down ever horrible word I would say about someone else, or when I focused too much on myself. It was indeed an ugly book.

This year, however, I'm fasting from dessert. 

How does this hinder my relationship with Jesus?

Well, I will start by saying: "I love food!" Especially when it's of fine quality and is dessert. Not the cheap little snaky things one can just buy in the store, but homemade cakes, cookies, pies, sweet, smooth succulent chocolates, etc, etc. I love to cook and although I don't make sweets all that often, I've found that when I do I hoard and over indulge in them. They become my great joy and passion. I think too much about them and spend too much time with them. 


There is much debate and research done today about food. I have my own opinions, but will save that for another blog post-maybe. Seems as if much of the debate is about meat, sugar, and fast ("fatty") foods. I have my own opinions on these things as well. And like any other obsession, getting too worked up and critical of how other people eat or forcing them to eat a certain way (except if you are a parent-your children should eat what you give them), doesn't profit anyone. Least of all the person hyperventilating over their neighbor eating what they would deem as "evil foods." 


I am not here to tell you that I think sugar and desserts are evil and everyone who eats them is committing a great sin and should fast from them, too. This is not why I am fasting from dessert, or why I am posting about it. 


Simply to inform you of this spiritual discipline that I think is very beneficial, in whatever kind of fast you may choose (expect that, of course, which would cause one to sin against the Lord or his fellow man). 

Not only do I think this has become a hindrance in my relationship with Jesus, but my health as well. I have 10 pounds I would still like to lose from having J two years ago, and I'm training for a half marathon in June. I believe that I can benefit from the healthy reasons for this decision.
 
Partaking in a legalistic discipline wouldn't be beneficial if it wasn't going to draw me closer to the Lord. Thus using Lent as a spiritual discipline instead.

When I crave dessert, I have begun to pray and spend more time with the Lord.

Stars

Stars 

by David Crowder Band

You should see the stars tonight/how they shimmer shine so bright
Against the black they look so white/comin' down from such a height
To reach me now, You reach me now

You should see the moon in the flight/ cuttin' cross the misty night
Softly dancin' in sunshine/ reflections of this light
Reach me now, You reach me now

And how could such a thing/ shine its light on me
And make everything beautiful again

And you should feel the sun in the spring/ comin' out after a rain
Suddenly all is green/sunshine on everything
  I can feel it now, I feel You now

And how could such a thing/ shine its light on me
And make everything beautiful

And you should hear the angels sing/ all gathered round their king
More beautiful than you could dream/ I've been quietly listening
You can hear 'em now, I hear 'em now

And how could such a king/shine His light on me
And make everything 

Beautiful 

And I wanna shine/I wanna be light
  I wanna tell you it'll be alright 

And I wanna shine and I wanna fly
Just to tell you now
It'll be alright, it'll be alright
It'll be alright.

'Cus I got nothing of my own to give to You
But this light that shines on me shines on you
And makes everything beautiful, again.
It'll be alright, it'll be alright.

South Dakota seemed so small and so full for just a few short days. Long distances felt anything but what they are.

The snow is now flying and the state seems so vast and lonely. Life returns back to normal as a carload of a few of my favorite people in the world head back across the territory towards their home. 

What a wonderful time of laughter, remembering our childhood and the good times we'd had, singing silly songs to the children, glasses filled with wine and gourmet home cooking. 

J had spent so much time with his aunts, uncles and little cousin that he didn't have time to play in his toy box. The toys are now scattered throughout the living room as his little world goes back to normal.

The past few days we explored the Black Hills, Spearfish Canyon and a winery while dining in one of my favorite restaurants in South Dakota (Roma's, in Spearfish). 
We enhanced our skills with a firearm, went riding, gazed at the darkened starry sky, washed the endless dishes together, made up silly songs and enjoyed the warm temperatures.

Prairie Berry Winery

Spearfish Canyon

I often wish that I was closer geographically to my family, but the distance makes the limited time more precious and treasured. 

Chai Tea and Green Foliage

The air is crisp, the sky bright blue, the sun warm. The sky an unending expanse. 

The man with the cowboy hat is mine. He cherishes me. He brought me to his favorite place on earth. Here I am his wife. He provides for me. He loves me beyond any other human being. He is my best friend.

I love being his wife. I love keeping his home. Being his helper. Sharing laughs and life's joys with him.

When the man is working and I am home keeping it for him, I gaze into the sky.

I am far from home. 

Far from some of the deepest friendship I've had. In this land of scarce trees and open prairie vistas it is lonely. Good friends aren't easily found.

Three years ago I asked the Lord to bring me a friend. Someone who loves Him deeply and who I can learn from. 

He brought me a friend. She moved with her family to this open land three years ago. 

I'd forgotten I'd asked the Lord for this. Recently I realized what a good friend she'd become and then I remembered my petition to the Lord. 

How He answered that prayer beyond what I'd expected.

She does love Him deeply, too. She challenges me in being a godly wife and mother. She is an example to me of one who is patient, kind, bringing honor to her family. 

I am so thankful for you! Thank you for your friendship. 

My gift

Waking up a little later than I intended, I made my way into the living room and opened my curtains. 
To my great joy, this is what I discovered!

The beauty of the frost covering the ground began to slightly sparkle as the sun slowly woke the earth around me. What a glorious sunrise! 

I think it was God's precious gift just for me. 

Most birthdays the snow flies in force and the temperatures are so bitterly cold. This morning it was calm and the sun was about to make it's appearance! 
What a great way to welcome my 30th year! 


I turned to look out my west window and was surprised to discover the moon bidding me greeting.

What a glorious morning! To be welcomed by the sun and bid farewell by the moon. Oh how I love the beauty of the sky in this tree sparsed land.

Psalm 19
1 The heavens are telling of the glory of God;
And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
2 Day to day pours forth speech,
And night to night reveals knowledge.
3 There is no speech, nor are there words;
Their voice is not heard.
4 Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their utterances to the end of the world.
In them He has placed a tent for the sun,
5 Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber;
It rejoices as a strong man to run his course.
6 Its rising is from one end of the heavens,
And its circuit to the other end of them;
And there is nothing hidden from its heat.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure,
enlightening the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is clean,
enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true;
they are righteous altogether.
10 They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
11 Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.
12 Who can discern his errors?
Acquit me of hidden faults.
13 Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins;
Let them not rule over me;
Then I will be blameless,
And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.

14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.

Going on 30...

The passing of time is about over. The years are soon to have stopped. Youth has just about ended. 

I am turning 30. 

I never thought that turning 30 would be that big of a deal, but I have to admit I don't really want to. I'm a little scared. I'm getting old. Soon I will need to use a cane and wear Depends! My bones will creek and my hair will turn gray (oh, wait, that's already happening...). I will need to bring a sweater with me when it's above 75 degrees. I will be starting to ask people to turn down their music (oh, I think I already do that...). My husbands age won't seem so far away now. I will be that much closer to ordering off the Senior menu. Suppose Kohl's will start offering me their Senior discount as well?

To those of you who've already passed this milestone and are looking at me as if I'm a young pup, hold on a minute. I've not been here before. Now that you're in your golden years, doesn't change make you a little nervous and skeptical? I'm just starting out. Allow me the moment. 

I've thought a while about what I want to do to say "good bye" to my 20's. I've always wanted a tattoo and have even come up with my own design that I think it quiet unique and very significant to my faith in Jesus Christ. However, tattoos sag and what if I don't like it when I'm 40?

I've also thought about getting a little diamond stud in my nose. My husband promptly squashed that idea. 

So, what's left for me to transform my outward appearance to commemorate the first 29 years of my life? Plastic surgery is too expensive and I don't want strange things in my body. A new car would be fantastic, but I have expensive taste and there again goes the issue of funds. 

All I could think of was my hair. I had a new cut back in December and it was time for a trim. I like this cut, so that was staying. How about the color? I thought completely changing the color would be a little too much for me and my trusty hairdresser suggested highlights. 

For those who do this on a regular basis please note that I have never dyed my hair in any way before. 1) I like my color, 2) I didn't want to spend the money (I get my thriftiness from my father), 3) it's too "girly" for me. 

Well, in the spirit of turning 30 I decided to try it.  

(Please do not laugh at my attempts at self portraiture. Just because I'm a photographer doesn't mean I'm fantastic at holding the camera in front of my face and shooting at who knows what! :))

Before:

After:

I realize this may not look as dramatic as I would make it seem, but trust me, the red highlights are much brighter in person. I have some natural red in my hair and my hairdresser said that may be why it's a little brighter. 

I think I like it. Definitely something to get used to. I do believe Marty prefers this over the nose ring! 

So, good bye to my 20's. We only have a few days left together.

As a "Hello, 30!" I'm training to run a half marathon this June! Would you like to join me? :)

To become nothing...

I came across the previous quote as I was going through some things yesterday (early spring cleaning). I was struck by it as much as I was four years ago when I wrote it down. 

This past month I've felt such an inner battle ragging within my soul as I "let my guard down" at home and cease to consider how my attitude may be affecting those within my own household. 

Why is it that I feel more comfortable getting upset about circumstances at home, but not in the midst of them in a public place. Why do I keep up my guard and fight for gaining perceived holiness outside of my inner self? Why can't I continue that at home so as not to hinder my family? 

Then in another light, how can I even think of keeping my guard up outside my home when I fail so much within? 

As I am typing this, I've begun to realize the problem. I fail so much. I can't continue. I fight. I keep up my guard. 
I, I, I. 


I'm so filled with myself, with my pride, with how things should go my way.

I've been reading through Andrew Murray's book "The Master's Indwelling" and highlighted the following portion:

 

"to be a vessel in which He can pour out His fullness, in which He can exhibit His life, His goodness, His power, His love. A vessel must be empty if it is to be filled, and if we are to be filled with the life of God we must be utterly empty of self......What is it that prevents people from coming to that entire surrender that we speak of? Simply that they dare not abandon themselves, and trust themselves, to God; that they are not willing to be nothing, to give up their wishes, and their will, and their honor to Christ.......He gave up His own will; He gave up His own honor; He gave up any confidence in Himself; He lived dependent upon God as a servant whom the Father had sent."

"Jesus, I am nothing, and Thou art all."