So Overwhelmed!

For the past few months I have felt so overwhelmed. As soon as I get up my feet hit the floor at a steady pace and don't stop until I'm back in bed for the night. I go running for some quiet and refreshment, as odd as that may sound to non-runners. 

I really don't have time to be writing this post, but thought maybe putting this down would help ease my overboard mind a little and maybe be encouraging to someone else. My intentions are not to be negative or to nitpick other people's convictions, just admit what overwhelms me so that in the process of writing this post I can just put it to rest and move on.

* I have so many projects I've started around our ranch to help my husband, but just not enough time to finish them when I want. 

* I have so many unorganized files in my computer from my recent transfer to a new one and I can't find anything and it stresses me out. 

* I'm trying to add more inventory to my jewelry shop before Christmas. The summer was too busy to spend the needed time in the house to create and now I feel a time crunch and unbelievable pressure.

* I'm considering dropping portrait photography, and sticking only with fine art landscape and macro. I need to add more items to my Etsy store.

* I'm tired of hearing about how sugar is so bad. The past few years, on my own research of the science of cooking I've put in half the amount of sugar into what I bake, or maybe none at all. But now I feel so guilty for even buying it, or buying the "wrong kind." 

* I'm tired of well meaning people inferring the "advanced medicine" practices that I do are evil.

* I'm tired of Facebook. I love reading the current events in my newsfeed and keeping up with people that live far, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by all of the spiels people get themselves excited about. 

Here is my spiel!

Lord, I'm so overwhelmed! I'm so tired of feeling guilty for living this life YOU have blessed me with. I'm tired of being unintentionally made to feel guilty because I buy canned tomatoes, love sugar and cream in my non-green tea. I'm thankful for powdered substances that are finally helping my son's digestive problems, and a doctor who actually listened to me and cares. 

Lord, I'm so tired of all this nitpicking about food! I'm tired of having to defend how my husband does his part through sweat, freezing cold temperatures, and death to provide his end of food for my world.

Lord, I'm tired of families being broken. I ache so deeply for a 16 year old girl who just lost her mom. I ache for a 28 year old woman who's mother is unwelcoming because she doesn't want to catch her grandson's cold. I ache over misunderstandings, misinformation and lack of communication. 

I feel as if all this is on my shoulders and I. Don't. Want. It. Anymore. 

Here. 

It's Yours. 

I'm going outside now. And I'm just going to enjoy the sunshine while sitting on my garden bench. I will not take any of this weight with me because I can't carry it. 

It now belongs to You.

Eight Years

Eight years ago today...

 I married my very best friend.

I cannot publicly tell him what is on my heart. It is not appropriate for anyone else to hear. ;)

My 10K Trail Run Experience

I'm a bit of a loaner. A majority of my most refreshing, rejuvenating times have been when I've been hiking, walking, running, biking, driving, mountain or hill gazing. 

Alone.

Last weekend I ran a 10K Trail Run. I'd been training heavily the past few months. In the weeks of training, so many things have been clambering for my attention. So much commotion everywhere I turn. So much noise. 

Since I started running a few years ago I always take my iPod and either listen to music or sermons by some of my favorite pastors and teachers. With all that has been craving my attention I just needed some time of peace. 
Of quiet.

I started running without my iPod. Just the sound of the wind. A bird. The gentle hum of travelers on the road. 
Just me and the Lord. In silence. 

Sometimes I would pray. Sometimes I would think. But most of the times I would just be. Just be with Jesus. In quiet. Nothing clambering for my attention. Just the steady pace of my feet on the road.
These times have been so refreshing to me.

I was excited for the 10K. I knew that trail running would be very different. I don't have any of the same kinds of trails to train where I live, so I just improvised. My goal was 1) to finish, and 2) to run the whole way. I accomplished both of these in June 2012 when I ran my first Half-Marathon.

I have now discovered that trail running is completely different than road. I so very much love to hike, but have never ran a hiking trail. I ran almost a mile before I had to slow down and fast walk. I was discouraged. With over five miles still to go I couldn't complete my second goal. The inclines were so steep that I didn't think I'd have the energy to finish if I didn't slow down. My calves burned. 

Half way through I decided to just enjoy the beauty of the trail. To just spend that time with the Lord. To just be. I ran when I could and fast hiked when I couldn't. 

When I ascended to the highest peak, I stopped. 
The view was beautiful. 
The air was so crisp and clean. 
And I just wept. 
Alone on top of this mountain I reflected on what the Lord was teaching me. 

My journey in this life has been full of ups and downs. Some I have ran with joy, others I have walked through slowly. 

It has been those slow steps that I have felt the closest to Jesus. It was the slower journey I made as I progressed on the 10K that I felt closest to Him.

I wept as I stood still, taking in the beauty. 
Rejoicing that He was with me. 
Whether I run or walk, He is always here. And will continue to be so through the finish. 

And I did.
Half an hour longer than I'd hoped, but lighter on my feet than when I started.

At the finish-line with my two sweeties.