Humility at its best

I know I already posted something today, however, in light of being an honest Christian as I promise to do, I must post again.

I failed. 

This morning started out great! I spent time with the Lord, was able to get a fair amount of my work for the day done and then the afternoon happened...

We are preparing to go on a short trip this weekend and so I have been busy gathering the needed essentials and a few extras. Jacob didn't sleep during his nap this morning but took the time to play and rest in his crib. I have discovered that even if he doesn't sleep during his nap, the resting time is still beneficial.

We ate our lunch with Daddy and then continued on our packing routine. All the while Jacob being naughty due to not taking his nap. Each time something needed to be dealt with, I did so in a kind and loving way (while stress and frustration starting smoldering within). Jacob went down for his afternoon nap a little earlier due to extra crabbiness. :) 

Then disaster hit. 
I was making a pumpkin rice pudding for our Bible study tonight. As I was placing it into the oven it slipped out of my hands all over the floor and the oven door. By this time Jacob was fussing and crying in bed, I had pumpkin rice pudding all over my feet, kitchen rug, floor and oven. Jacob's crying was increasing in obnoxiousness as I stood there sobbing against the sink. It was everything I could do to hold it in. 

And then I just couldn't. It all came out. It was horrible. I don't think I've ever yelled at Jacob so loud and with such force. 
I failed.

I failed to allow circumstances to be what they are, just circumstances that will pass by. I failed to love my child no matter what. I failed to control my emotions. I failed to control my tongue. I failed to glorify God in all circumstances, because let me tell you, that anger was anything but glorying to God.

I failed, but do you know what? Jesus didn't. He doesn't yell at me every time I mess up. His anger doesn't boil and burst because He's heard me whine about the same thing over and over again. He never once doesn't welcome me back into His arms. He is ever patient, ever compassionate. 

I picked myself up, cleaned the mess through tears and went to pick up Jacob and tell him how sorry I was and asked him to forgive me. He just smiled. I'm so glad that he most likely won't remember this. 

I had more leftover rice and pumpkin to make another pumpkin rice pudding, which is currently in the oven and smelling wonderful. 

Marty just pulled on the yard. Now, deep breath. I will not allow my frustrating afternoon rub off onto my attitude towards my husband when he walks in the door. 

Jesus, You are my strength and deliverer.