An Update

Spring is almost here! The past week I've been getting back into my old routine of running. I can't tell you enough how wonderful it is! Not only do I get that fresh air, but I've been able to be by myself.

I believe this to be the biggest challenge for me in motherhood. I love my children dearly, but I'm more of an introvert. I would much rather spend my days alone and come down from the mountain to see people once or twice a month. So, having busy little people around me all day is hard.

Since my last post I have been continually challenged and have continually grown. Because of my need to be alone I restructured my mornings. Choosing to get up earlier in the hopes of those precious moments alone with the Lord. With a newborn, choosing her own hours and not listening to me as I placed her in bed in the evening while telling her she was to be content and sleep until morning (meaning not earlier than 7:30), and a toddler who loves to go, go, go, my days were exhausting. 

Each night I prayed that the Lord would keep her sleeping through the night so that I could as well. Each morning when I didn't wake up early enough to feel awake and all I was able to read was one verse, Jesus sustained me through it. 

One morning I was so tired. So emotional. So frustrated that I couldn't even have 15 minutes alone. I just opened my Bible while feeding the little Precious and ran smack into Psalm 46:1. 

Do you ever feel as if you're just running around with so much emotional exhaustion and then all of a sudden...crash?

But. This was a good crash. 

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." (Ps. 46:1)

"Therefore we will not fear, though" the rest of the earth around us falls apart (my paraphrase of the remaining chapter).

I pictured myself in the most violent storm, finding a cave. Protection. A refuge. 

The part of this verse that gave me the most strength during these hard weeks is what I underlined. Present. He is present. He has not left me to fend for myself and figure this out alone. He is present. He is here. 

Some mornings that's all I have alone time for. Just that one word. Present. But it's been with Him, and He's given me strength. 

I have struggled to be content with He's provided and more and more each day He's provided a little more.

The sweet little Precious has been sleeping through the night for almost two weeks now, we have some structure to our day and I've been able to get back into running a few times a week. 

The Lord has taught me to be content and satisfied with what He gave me. And slowly, He gave me more.